He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We need to get me chipped asap
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
