Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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