tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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