When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
