Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
