So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
