just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
