tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
