i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
