My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
