Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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