hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
