And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
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Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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