My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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