very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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