Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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