Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
