Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
