There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
