OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
