Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
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she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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