just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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