so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
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Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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