My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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