Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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