so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize