u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just found out why people like handcuffs.