Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
