my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
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So many bounce houses so little time
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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