Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
