At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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