Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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