I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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