Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
