So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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