i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
