I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
