He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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