When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
