Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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