i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
