Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
