dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Vodka?
Forever.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
