she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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