just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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