She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
