gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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