Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
