Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
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I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
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She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.