He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.