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And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
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