speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies