On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It was confusing and full of hummus
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO