PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.