I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.