can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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