and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
