you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
