tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So squirting runs in the family.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
