Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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