I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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