did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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