i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
