I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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