i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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