Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
