then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
