You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
