My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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