just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
