I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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