I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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