Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
