I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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