i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
