So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
