i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I currently don't understand fingers.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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